House of the week: Greek Revival on Philip St.

It seems I will continue to torment myself by searching through long listings of elegant New Orleans-style homes until either I win the lottery, write a best-selling novel or some philanthropic soul becomes empathetic to my misery and gifts me my dream house. What? It could happen!

During my latest tour of self-imposed dolor, I discovered this little beauty on Phillip Street. Naturally, all of the features you know I adore were present and accounted for including the ubiquitous hardwood floors and high ceilings, transoms, ceiling medallions, floor-to-ceiling windows, sliding pocket doors, exposed brick fireplaces and a freaking guest house out back past the courtyard.
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House of the week: Historic home on Atlantic Ave.

If I had lots of extra cash and experience restoring homes, I would love to buy this house on Atlantic Avenue in Algiers and bring it back to its former glory. Not only is it on a lot twice as large as the properties that surround it, it has all the classic details that cause me to swoon.

Just check out that huge front porch, floor-to-ceiling windows, original hardwood floors, the unique architectural accents around the windows and doors, wainscoting, fireplace … I wish there were more pictures. The shot I have here was taken from the Google Maps Street View and offers a bit more than the pictures alone. Fortunately, someone has already put a bid on this house that’s listed for a mere $150,000. I sure hope they don’t ruin it.

5 New Orleans Homes I’d Buy If I Were Filthy Rich

Wallowing in my poverty-stricken misery, I thought a listicle of homes I could never-ever attain would serve as appropriate torture for committing a few oh-so deadly sins; specifically lust, greed and envy. Though I cannot fathom how it would feel to be filthy, stinking rich, I sure know what I would do with all that excess…

1. Victorian on Esplanade Avenue

Over 4,000 square feet of magnificent hardwood floors, elaborate moulding, transoms, floor-to-ceiling windows, wrought-iron balconies, high ceilings and much more. This quaint beauty also comes with a guest cottage replete with a full kitchen and it’s right on the corner of Esplanade and Royal on the edge of the French Quarter and shaded by gorgeous oak trees. It’d be a drop in the bucket to a billionaire like me listed at $2,375,000.

2. Sidehall on Dauphine

Located in the Marigny Triangle, this 1890’s Victorian Sidehall is stunning with hardwood floors and heavy wooden mouldings, double parlor, built-in bookcases, wood-beamed ceiling, impeccable architectural details both inside and out, and, to top it all off, an in-ground swimming pool out back. Compared to the first house, this one is being sold for chump change at a mere $1,250,000
3. Greek Revival Mansion on Esplanade

This particular property really makes me drool with incredible architectural details like high, curved ceilings, sliding pocket doors, double parlor, wainscoting, bead board ceilings, wrought-iron balconies, transoms, floor-to-ceiling windows, claw foot tubs, and I believe there’s also a guest room next to the garage in back. This house is on the Esplanade Ridge just on the other side of I-10 which drops the price down a smidgen to a piddly $1,097,000.

4. Queen Anne on Josephine 

This one kind of blows my mind considering it’s questionable location in Central City, but what do I care? I’m loaded, right? I can hire 24-hour security if I’m that paranoid. Located approximately two blocks from St. Charles Avenue, this awesome house has a huge front porch, high ceilings, hardwood floors, a truly incredible wooden staircase, rich wood-paneled wainscoting and trim, tall windows and doorways with transoms, several fireplaces, French doors, bead board ceilings and a magnificent renovated attic. With almost 5,000 square feet of living space, this house is steal at $899,000.
5. Creole Townhouse on Burgundy
Saving one of the best for last, this three story, historical head-turner offers it all… plus a little lagniappe. The transoms are more elaborate and artistic, all of the rooms seem to be decked out with chandeliers and towering ceilings, French doors abound from room to room and letting out onto the balconies — this place is a freaking dream. Built in the early 1800s, this home offers all of the historic detail I crave while allowing elements that are modern, yet elegant. Located in the French Quarter, this divine diva would only set me back a paltry $2,950,000 and it would be worth every penny.
*Just in case you were wondering, the answer is yes. If I was a mega-billionaire, it’s likely I would buy ALL of these houses, not just one. Otherwise, what’s the point of being filthy rich?

**Please also note that these homes are all on the market right now. If had my choice of ANY house in New Orleans, this list would be quite different!

House of the week: Shotgun on Flood Street

Depression has set in and I can’t avoid it. Unless I suddenly write a bestselling novel, win the lotto or have a rich relative die and leave me a fat inheritance, there is no way in hell I’ll ever be able to afford a house in New Orleans.

Regardless of this fact, I still have this awful habit of continued self-flagellation, scanning the real estate listings only to watch another dream house go to someone who (I imagine) will appreciate it far less that I would. Jerks. During my latest bout of torment, I happened upon another awesome house that will likely be sold to some cretin who will use it as a vacation home or some such nonsense. Gee, do I sound bitter?

While the irony of fawning over a house on Flood Street in the Holy Cross (Lower 9th Ward) is not lost on me, it still fails to dampen my ardor (har-har). Here we have a two bedroom, two bathroom single shotgun house replete with original hardwood floors, towering bead board ceilings, transoms, fireplace mantles, claw foot tub and a nice front porch that faces the levee. Bye, bye beauty! You’re bound to disappear within days of my post, especially since you’re listed at the low, low price of only $200,000. Unfortunately, it’s still not low enough for me.  

House of the week: Condo on Napoleon Avenue

My boyfriend John won’t even entertain the idea of buying a condo. When I find a cute half double or a cool apartment in an old home spilling over with character and history, John will completely write it off if there’s a mere mention of the “c” word. But, I do believe that if this particular condo was anywhere near our price range, he’d swiftly change his mind.

Located inside a stunning building that long ago served as St. Elizabeth’s, an orphanage in the 1860’s (previously owned by famous author Anne Rice), this particular unit appears to be centered in what was, at one point, a chapel. We’re talking 24-ft ceilings, awe-inspiring stained glass windows, 3 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 5,000 square feet of reverent wonder. I mean, just look at this place! There’s a freaking theater upstairs! For the first time on this fantasy house-hunt of mine, I am at a loss for words. 
Who lives in places like this? Listed at a paltry $4,950,000, I’m sure it will never be me. 

House of the week: Shotgun on North Rampart St.

Have you ever experienced love at first sight? I have, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Yes, I am head-over-heels in love with an object. More specifically, I am in love with a house. This IS my house. This is what I picture when I dream about the perfect little abode for John and I. I see myself here…I must have it!

I want it now!

Like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (the old one with Gene Wilder mind you, not that demented Johnny Depp version), I want a house, a house on N. Rampart Street. There’d be roomfuls of laughter, bows in my hair and all kinds of bean feasts if I could slap the cash down for this ultimate little haven.

Located in Bywater, this absolute jewel is a two bedroom, one bath shotgun with high ceilings, gorgeous hard wood floors, transoms, exposed brick fireplaces, barge board wainscoting, bead board ceiling, mammoth built-in bookshelves, distressed-wood kitchen, a claw foot tub … can you hear me panting? As if that isn’t enough to drive me into a frenzy, one of the finest features is a cute little, “shack on da swamp” guesthouse in the back where I would set up my office and write till my fingers fell off.

My house (a girl can dream!) is also in a great neighborhood within walking distance of Vaughan’s Lounge, The Joint, Jack Dempsey’s, Meltdown Pops and Bacchanal. Sadly, at $295,000, I could never afford this piece of heaven on earth, but it won’t stop me from dreaming about it.

Of course, if some super-rich soul out there wants to buy it for me out of the kindness of their heart, I certainly wouldn’t be opposed!

House of the week: Double on Jeanette Street

In case you didn’t notice from other posts, I really love my neighborhood. Although my current digs leave something to be desired (washer & dryer, lack of mold, light etc.), the ‘hood in which it resides makes it worthwhile. So, in that vein, I’ve been searching the Riverbend for a home that would delight me and be in my price range.

Okay, so this double on Jeanette Street is twice as much as I can pay (pathetic, I know), but I can’t help thinking what it could be if I got my grubby little hands on it. The realtor describes it as a “new-classical revival” but I just think it’s beautiful. With almost 2000 square feet, I’m assuming each unit is one or two bedrooms per side, both replete with gorgeous wainscoting, 13 foot ceilings, stained glass windows, sliding pocket doors, fireplace mantles, original hardwood floors, transoms and what appears to be barge board ceilings.

The house is located only a few blocks from where I now sit, typing away furiously because there is no way in hell I’d be able to purchase it. Not only is it listed at $275,000, but the house still needs a good bit of work. I hope that someone who can afford it will snap up this gem and love it as much as I would.

House of the week: Mansion on Amelia Street

“Sing hey! for the bath at close of day that washes the weary mud away!” -J.R.R. Tolkien

Submerging most of one’s body in a tub filled with water hot enough to to make you sigh audibly is easily one of the best things life has to offer. I know there are plenty of people out there who prefer a shower, but bathing is not just about cleanliness. Taking a long, luxurious bath can relieve both body and mind, making you feel like a woman of means even if you’re a member of the working poor.

Sometimes, when I am browsing though house listings, certain features catch my eye and I can’t get them out of my mind. That was the case with this particular house on Amelia Street. Indeed, this spectacular (and gargantuan), century plus, five bedroom, five and half bathroom house possesses many architectural features I love, from a wrap-around porch and floor-to-ceiling windows to transoms, French doors and a swimming pool; there was one particular image I can’t seem to erase.

Although it’s not overly grandiose like some bathrooms I’ve seen, this one image of a free-standing, modern tub in front of a blue-tiled fireplace literally makes me drool. I can picture myself lounging in that tub with a fire crackling, candles overwhelming the mantle and sudsy bubbles oozing over the side onto the hardwood floor.

I may as well continue fantasizing though, because at $1,600,000, a dream is all it will ever be. I think it’s time to take a bath …

House of the week: Cottage on Cambronne Street

Talk about dangling the carrot … right around the corner from my current residence, I’ve discovered a home, that I’ve admired on many occasion, that is up for sale. I can’t tell you how many times I have walked past this house, dreaming it was mine all mine. Also, there’s a large owl statue perched on the left column of the front porch (they have wiped it from the picture, but check it out on Google Maps) whose eyes seem to follow as you pass.

Over a century old, this craftsman-style shotgun features two bedrooms, two bathrooms and approximately 1500 square feet of living space. It offers all the details I love, from hardwood floors and high ceilings to exposed brick walls, fireplace mantles, transoms and a claw foot tub. Plus, it’s in one of the coolest neighborhoods in New Orleans (my ‘hood!) and it’s within walking distance of Cowbell, The Maple Leaf, Blue Cypress Books, Dante’s Kitchen, Brigtsen’s, Truburger, Pho Bistreaux, Oak and so much more.

I was hesitant to post about this house because I just know, listed at $350,000, it’ll be snatched up right under my nose. Doesn’t matter really, I can’t afford it anyhow. I’ll just go cry quietly in the corner now …

House of the week: Fixer-upper on Banks Street

I always feel a little forlorn when I see a classic New Orleans home in a sad state of repair. Peeling paint, trailing ivy tearing up the siding, rusting wrought-iron … all signs that either the homeowner couldn’t afford to maintain the property or just didn’t care. Sometimes, like with this particular house, the environs are dotted with unfortunately-ugly retail establishments and empty lots. It’s depressing.

Recently listed, this house on Banks Street is not located in the best area. It’s really close to busy Broad Street in a neighborhood that has seen better days, but the house is quite beautiful no matter how dilapidated it has become. There’s excellent architectural details around the door, floor-to-ceiling windows, and sweet front porch. I bet the ceiling is at least 12 feet high and (hopefully) there are original hardwood floors inside. I really hope someone finds the time and the money to fix up this old beauty. I also hope they don’t renovate out all of it’s charm. It’s listed at $180,000 for almost 2,000 square feet. Here’s hoping there’s someone out there who will love it as much as it deserves…